Not one of my best days.

I got locked in my room today, by my own stupidity naturaly, but for a few hours, i felt what pure agony was truly like. I was delusional, feeling like a caged animal, with god being the idoit kide that kept provoking me, but only after some time, did i realize what i was feeling,

Fear.

Not ever, in my short existence did I truly, fear something. Hatred, shock, anoyance, yes. but the feeling of imcompetence, of dread, the way my heart picked up, beating profoundly on my chest, was something I was not acostumed, but it made me understand myself just a bit more. Then after trying to break the door open, I cried. A lot. It felt lke everything came crashing down on me, all that happened these past 3-4 years only really beared it's ugly prophetic fangs now, not only did it bear it fangs, it was constanly snidedly commenting on everything, and then I realized that god wasn't provoking me. My past was ( to top it off, My past took the form of a dog *shudders*). Then the pest finnaly left me alone. Alone. Like I always am. The sadness sinking in, the loss. Then slowly I poured all my anger out, taking it all on the pillow (poor pillow it will never be as fluffy again, good thing pillows are deaf) and then looked blankly at the the random laughing faces floating around me, and started listening to music. Then i cried again, beacuse i made the stupid mistake of chosing songs that ended in death, or in rape, but annnnnywayyy.....

After crying, i finnaly had the common sense of trying to preocupy myself doing something that did not ultimatly lead to me looking a the door and either showing it my middle finger, or crying again. SO i started to read,

about a kid.

That was in aslym.

Who was locked inside a room.

and who was ranting random things to himself.

Yeah.... next time i'll go for little red ridding hood, but the story was pretty funny, and I felt sorry for this kid, and cheered him on as he escaped from the evil people. SO after a while, my mom asked in a less crude ,but still weied out way, What the hell was i doing in my room for such a long time, and why the fuck was my door locked. So after sulking a bit and swallowing my pride. I had to tell her I locked myslef in my room.( I still don't know how the hell I did it!)

All in Alll.

Not one of my favorite days.

=(

Give me your hand
But realize I just wanna say goodbye
Please understand I have to leave
And carry on my own life

-I. Lilith Kitsune